Comparison

I am a comparison shopper. Yesterday was the public school's open house for all grades. We went. I wanted to know what Ethan would be getting if he went to school there- who his teacher would be and who would be in his class. The hardest part, for me, was discovering that his two best friends are in his class. The two boys he talks about all the time. And there were a lot of his friends from his ECFE in this class. I know the teacher and think she's great. And I liked the general feel of what would be his time in class should he go.

Initially I wasn't going to bring him there, because I knew he'd want to go. I knew he'd want to be with his friends. And would get excited about going. The class size is reasonable, 18 kids. The layout is nice. And the teacher is great. And he'd share a locker with his best friend, Konner.

So, we came home and talk about it. Why would I want to homeschool after all that?

I remember last year, how just after 2 half days a week my son became someone else. I remember that even last fall certain behaviors stared showing up that eventually were explained by who was in his class and what he did at school. There were the expected things like potty language and competitiveness, but there were also the unexpected behaviors like a nervous response and negative behavior towards Avery. By the end of the school year, he was less affectionate, less kind overall, more aggressive, and in general more obnoxious. He stopped hugging me, and singing throughout the day. He delighted in picking on Avery and making her react. And it all went away by the end of June.

I was surprised by how much he had changed. I'd almost forgotten how wonderful he could be....and how my definition of wonderful had to change to when he was in school, because I still loved my son and wanted to feel that he was wonderful. I delighted in his art work, and his stories of friendship and play, and all his new skills and songs. But I was greatly saddened by his behavioral changes.

Because of this, and knowing my son, we went to school, to see and compare. I needed to know what he'd receive. And now I know. My heart is still for homeschool. My head is questioning my decision to bring him there in the first place simply because of the strain it put on him. I knew we'd be challenged by going because he'd like it so much. I needed to know. I needed to see him in that environment and be able to know that if I kept him home that I wouldn't be breaking his heart by keeping him away from a part of his world that he loves. What he loves is the socializing and the flow of that kind of learning. He likes the colors, the name tags, the learning centers, the unknown. He likes the playing and the singing and overall learning. And he'd be great in public school.

My husband agrees with me that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to education and that what he knows is just a part of who he is, rather than the most important part. And overall I know that we'd loose a lot of quality by having Ethan attend public school. Quality of his life, in behavior and time. Quality of our lives, in having to work with the behavioral changes and seeing him less.

I am a stay at home mom for a reason. I choose to make my children my priority. I am keeping my work schedule very low now to be able to tend to their education. I am making my home into a space with different learning centers to give Ethan a taste of the public school style. We found a fantastic curriculum with wonderful lessons and activities. And we'd get so much more from homeschooling than public school could ever give, because we'd get more quality of life, and that's what we need for a lifetime of successful being. I want to homeschool.